Letting Go

Anger and frustration can quickly move me out of my heart space.

Recently I was very angry with someone and my wife said she could see the transition of my thoughts moving from my heart space to my head.

I realized that most of my frustrations (not all) happen in my head. It is easier to forgive from our heart space where we can forget all of the details of what has made us upset and focus on the meat of the situation.

I used to be somebody that was never offended or hurt by people. But, the more vulnerable we make ourselves the easier it is to get hurt.

I now have a rule to move into my heart space immediately whenever someone I care about has hurt me. It gives me clarity on the situation and I can even try to see it from their perspective. This insight has been invaluable in maintaining close relationships.

Letting go does not mean we have to trust them ever again. I loved it when Andy Andrews said, “Forgiveness is about the past, trust is about the future.”

It is with forgiveness and humility that I can repeatedly reach for purity of heart.

“Sinking down is when we get out of our head and look at life from our heart.” Spoken By My Wonderful Wife Katie Roberts

The Dark Pool

Whenever I am trying to keep myself on track I close my eyes and picture my nous. The first time I did this, I imagined that I was physically inside my heart. When I looked around there was a small pool, about the size of a fountain, with black water. At first glance I took it for what it was, a dark pool. I had neither positive or negative feelings toward the pool. I was not even sure the purpose of the pool or if there was water inside or some other mysterious oily substance.

I have been “visiting” my nous for just over a year now. Every time I would find it looking exactly as I described above. After the marathon I decided to take a closer look and try to determine some meaning out of the pool.

Within a few days I realized that my heart space had been neglected and ignored to the point of being almost abandoned. I discovered the dark pool was black from the dirt that I was trying to wash out of my nous. How long had it been black? How long has my heart space been neglected?

The gravity of the dark pool took days to settle into my analytical brain. Its’ true meaning was always there, I had just been ignoring it for far too long. It was the font that I was baptized in. A way to cleanse the dirt and stains. It was my Psalm 51, “wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.”

I now had a new goal: to attain a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me.

Sinking Down

A few weeks ago I ran a marathon in Huntsville, AL. That is a full 26.2 miles. There is a fine line between stupidity and determination.

Around mile 11 I realized that I was not thinking with my head, but rather my heart.  In that moment an idea popped into my head “I want to know what it would feel like to really connect to God.”

So I literally asked the question, “What would it feel like to really connect to God?”  The next few moments are still a blur, but I will give the best description I can. I felt an immediate shock in my chest of such intensity that I was not able to breathe.  It was not negative or unpleasant in any way. As the intensity faded and my breathing returned, I realized that God had granted my wish. Or rather, I got out of my own way.

I started thinking about sinking down out of my head and into my heart, or what I call the nous (sounds like noose). I believe man’s heart (soul) is intelligent and noetic. To read more visit http://orthodoxwiki.org/Nous.

What would it feel like if I started viewing more and more of my life from my nous? This journey has been neglected far too long. To help me start my journey I am reading Discovering Your Spiritual Center by David Teems.

“Sinking down is when we get out of our head and look at life from our heart.”